


Tension Within Neutrality

by maxsaystowrite



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: 20s au, Angst, F/M, Fluff, Hance - Freeform, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M, Shatt, Shillura
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-14
Updated: 2016-10-14
Packaged: 2018-08-22 10:22:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 12,850
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8282452
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/maxsaystowrite/pseuds/maxsaystowrite
Summary: It's the 1920's and Pidge is a successful alcohol distributor. She operates in the back of Coran's speakeasy while Allura sings for the weekend crowds. Life ran smoothly until there was an attempted raid.  The next morning Pidge receives a letter from her brother Matt, who should be dead. A power struggle laced with heartbreak and manipulation brings Pidge to the edge. Will she be able to keep her moral code intact or will she end up just like him?





	

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: The depiction of these characters are for this fic and this fic alone, and in no way reflect how I actually view certain characters. This is an alternate universe fanfiction. Please keep that in mind.
> 
> I also started to write this fic before the news came out that Lance was Cuban, other wise I would have wrote him as such explicitly. Instead he is from New Orleans with Cuban roots. In the future, I look forward to writing him as Cuban specifically.

Allura pressed her body against the microphone as Lance’s trumpet bent the note so far, it was almost another pitch completely. She smiled at the crowd who cheered for both of them. Lance’s singing horn made them the perfect duet. His bright sound complimented her alto. Trumpets reminded her of heaven.

 

“Oh New York, you’re too kind to us,” Allura murmured, lips pressed against the cool metal of the mic. Lance blew a note in agreement, the crowd laughed. “But everyone needs a ciggy every once in awhile. We’ll be back in 15.” The crowd groaned in protest, begging her to stay on. 

 

She blew them all a kiss, then hopped down from the slightly risen stage. On her way down, she picked up her tip jar. $4.16, and it was only eleven. Allura grinned and stuffed it into her brassiere. Keith and Lance had their own jars, they made their own money.

 

At the bar she already had a highball waiting for her. Coran always gave her top shelf when he mixed her. 

 

“Thank ya, darlin’.” She said, sipping at her drink. Coran nodded to her. They didn’t speak much at work. Not much to say to your landlord when you’re on the job. 

 

“I’ll have one too, Coran.” A deep voice said beside her. She turned to Shiro, giving him a playful smile.

 

“A little birdy told me you’d be off tonight.” Her eyes shifted quickly to Lance but then right back to him. 

 

Shiro laughed, his face down as he grabbed his drink. “Not completely. Just looser than usual.” He said, taking a sip. “I don’t think I’ll ever get off.”  

 

Allura hummed and crossed one leg over the other. Shiro watched as her dress came up slightly above her knee. She watched him watching her hem. “That’s a shame, I think this is the first time I’ve actually got to talk to you,” She put her hand out for him to shake, he only looked at it awkwardly. “Come now, it ain’t that improper.”

 

He laugh a little. “It's not that. My, uh, right arm isn’t what it used to be,” He raised his right shoulder and took hold of his arm with his left hand. From that angle, Allura could see the plastic of a prosthetic. “Germans got me good.”

 

She took his plastic hand anyway and shook it. Though, when the shake was over, she kept it in her hand. “Those Germans took a lot from all of us. Ma daddy went over to France and never came back.”

 

“Sorry to hear that.”

 

“S’all right. It’s what got ma ass out of Nar’lens,” She pursed her lips together and gazed at the stage. She lost herself for a moment in the memory of singing in church and on the street corner for tips. “I wanted to be a star. And nothin’ was keepin’ me there.”

 

“Couldn’t be a star down there?”

 

“The biggest gig you got was a concert hall where only half the city was allowed in. And I could play anywhere here.”

 

“Why don’t you then? Why this bar?”

 

She giggled and tapped her glass on her knee. “I like it here. Your boss is mighty nice, everyone comes here to see me, and Coran here likes to make me my drinks for a dime.” She leaned her head backwards to give Coran a wink, then looked Shiro up and down. “And you bein’ here ain’t so bad neither.”

 

Shiro smiled into his glass before taking a sip. “You’re bold, aren’t ya?”

 

“You know it, baby~.”

  
  
  


Lance counted his pennies in his palm. “Shit, dollar forty-eight. How in the hell am I supposed to eat?”

 

Keith looked up from his piano, giving his bandmate a bored look. “$1.48 is plenty for a week. Stop being greedy.”

 

“It ain’t greedy to want enough to send back home, Keith.” Lance said, pulling out a box of cigarettes and lighting one. He took in a long drag and blew it out, the cloud of white smoke collecting above them, adding to the already hazy air. “My 8 year old brother shouldn’t be lookin’ for a job. He should be scrapin’ his knees and goin’ to school.” Lance tucked his trumpet under his arm and went to the balcony, there was someone out there he wanted to talk to. 

 

Lance held out a cigarette to Hunk. “Care for a smoke?”

 

Hunk smiled and shook his head. “I don’t smoke. Thank you, though.”

 

“You don’t smoke?” Lance asked, leaning on the balcony railing. “Don’t you know it relaxes the throat?”

 

Hunk looked Lance up and down. His suit was cheap and didn’t fit his slender frame. But he over compensated, slicking back his hair and making sure the jacket was crisp. The cost or size of the suit didn’t matter to Hunk. Lance still looked  _ good _ .

 

“My throat don’t need relaxing.” 

 

“That so, big guy?”

 

Hunk grinned and stood from his seat, getting close to Lance. The difference between them wasn’t much, but Hunk’s composure had him looming over Lance. He felt small, but not threatened. Hunk picked the cigarette from Lance’s mouth and crushed it against the steal of the railing. 

 

“I don’t like the taste of cigarettes.” Hunk said, eyes lowering, his arm extended towards Lance on the railing.

 

Lance leaned into him, fitting into the crevice of his arm and chest. “And why should I care what you like, tough guy?”

 

“I was under the impression you were sweet on me, Mr. Trumpet Player.”

 

Lance batted his eyes at him. “I don’t know where you could have gotten that idea from.” Lance smirked as Hunk leaned in for a kiss. 

 

A whistle pierced the air and Lance knew his 15 minutes were up. Allura stood on stage, watching him and tapping her foot. He sighed and pressed a finger to Hunks lips. “Sorry sugar, I got play another set.”

 

“Aw come on, you can’t just leave me hanging~.” Hunk whined.

 

“How ‘bout you come see at the end of the night?”

 

“I’d like nothing less.”

 

Lance smiled and took his trumpet out from under his arm and play an arpeggio, loud and clear to warm up and gather the attention of the crowd. He wiggled his eyebrows at Hunk as he left for the stage, tooting meaningless notes with every step. 

 

Allura laughed into the mic. “Bull’s sessions over, Lance. You gotta be quicker than that. We don’t have all night.”

 

“Start singin’, sweetcheeks.” He called to her, smiling. 

 

She raised her eyebrows at Keith who started his complimentary chords. Allura hummed to his tune and started singing with him. The speakeasy returned to its atmosphere, music filling the foggy air, people laughing and talking. The clicking heels against the dancefloor made their own music, lacing around the instruments for the overall sound of the bar. 

 

There was a scream from the front of the room, a woman had fallen to the ground in fear. Three men had barged into the bar with bats and knives, taking on anyone in their way. The band ended on a rancid note. Lance dropped his horn from his mouth and stepped in front of Allura, Keith stood up as well, pushing back his piano bench. The speakeasy was quiet, waiting for the gang’s next move. 

 

A man with a huge scar came forward, leading the group. “We heard a little rumor that the boss here is on a little vacation. And this place has some nice shit lining the walls. We’re gonna make this all easy and nice for ya. If yous all just give us what we wants, we’ll be on our way. Capiche?”

 

The patrons all nodded and got out of their way. But the moment their hands touched a bottle, there was a shot, and the gang retracted their hands. The crowd split open around her.

 

Katie stood with her pistol aimed at the ceiling. Her hair was down around her waist, and her flapper dress glittered in the light that pooled around her. Her face was scrunched in anger, knuckles white with the grip she held on the gun.

 

“Can’t I have one fucking night of fun?” She yelled.

 

The leader looked at her, eyes narrowing. “And who the hell are you?”

 

She brought her gun down and aimed between his eyes. “I’m the boss. And if you don’t get out of my place right now, my boys are gonna have to carry you to the river.” On cue, Shiro and Hunk backed her, coming from opposite sides. 

 

“The heir is a girl?!” A gang member called.

 

“Damn straight!” Katie said, she moved her gun and shot the leader in the shoulder. His scream rang out as he gripped the hole to stop the bleeding. “Get. Out.”

 

There were no more words. The gang scurried out, tripping over themselves to be the first through the door. When the door hit the frame, the crowd looked back to Katie. She pulled up her dress and tucked her pistol back into its holster on her thigh. She looked over to Allura and nodded. 

 

With permission, the music started again, just as fast and light as before.

 

* * *

  
  


In the morning, the speakeasy was hollow. The dark wood that linked the floors and the counter was illuminated by the sun that leaked through the windows and doors. The light tickled the glasses hanging from the ceiling, casting long shadows along the wall. 

 

Coran was washing glasses from last night, preparing for the night to come. 

 

Katie wandered out from the back room, sitting at the counter in front of him. She yawned and laid her head down. 

 

“Do you sleep at all?” Katie mumbled. “It's too early for you to be  _ functional _ .”

 

Coran threw his head back and laughed. “It’s hard to sleep when you’re in this business. Would you like some coffee to help you wake up?”

 

“As much as possible please.”

 

Coran started to brew his coffee when Allura came through the door, her band trailing behind her. Katie could hear her heels before she could see her. She sat down a seat away from Katie, Keith and Lance followed suit. Coran made a mental note to make even more coffee.

 

Allura smiled and tapped Katie on the shoulder. “Pidge, darlin’, I’ve got a question.” She said. Pidge was the name Katie went by in the business. No one needed to know her real name.

 

Pidge raised her head from the bar. “What is it?”

 

“Well, frankly, I just hope you don’t plan on shootin’ up the club every night you decide to throw some heels on.” Allura said in a very, matter-of-fact tone. “‘Cause I can’t stand to watch you wavin’ around a gun. I don’t wanna see you gettin’ yourself hurt.”

 

“There was nothing planned about that, Allura. And it won’t happen again, I’ll make sure of it. I’m looking at hiring some newer muscle. I love my boys, but they’re  _ my _ boys. The bar needs some of their own.”

 

“Mmm, that’s a good point, darlin’. I don’t care how you do it, just make this place safer.” Allura said, crossing her arms and legs at the same time. “‘Cause I’m not gonna stick around no more if I have to worry about gettin’ shot for nothin’.”

 

Pidge rolled her eyes. “Yes, ma’am.” Coran pushed a mug full of black coffee in front of her. Pidge took it immediately and started drinking. The coffee was dark and bitter and Pidge thought about spitting it out. Her brain’s need for caffeine won out. 

 

“Mail’s in,” Shiro said, shifting through the letters and passing them out. Lance always received at least two letters, today he had four. Hunk received two every other week, one from his parents, the other from his sister. This was an off week. Allura never got letters, there was no one to write  her. Coran’s family didn’t write. And Pidge only ever received business letters now, nothing personal. Keith would get the occasional letter with no real pattern. He normally never read them.

 

“How’s little Dorothy and Kenny?” Hunk asked Lance, leaning over his shoulder to read the letters. 

 

Lance leaped in his seat. “When did you come in? You gave me a goddamn heart attack!”

 

“Just now? I guess I should be a little more heavy footed!” Hunk laughed and placed his hands on Lance’s hips. He didn’t know why, he’d never done it before, but it felt right.

 

Pidge popped her head up in order to look Hunk in the eyes. “You get heavy footed, I replace you. I don’t need a possy that makes noise, you got that?”

 

“Understood, boss.” Hunk’s feelings weren’t hurt. She was paying him to do his job.

 

Shiro placed a letter in her hand. Her heart stopped, and the world began to spin. It was addressed to  _ Katie _ and the only thing that filled the return address was  _ Matt _ . Her eyes filled with tears, but she pulled them from her eyes before they could fall. 

 

Katie tore open the letter and began to read. When her vision became blurry with tears, she called out. “Hunk! Read this to me.” 

 

The groups’ eyes looked over to her. A collective worry washed over them. Pidge never cried, at least in front of them. Hunk moved from Lance to Katie, taking the letter from her hands and wrapping an arm around her. He wanted to hold her while she showed this side of herself, maybe as another way to protect her. 

 

“ _ Dearest Katie, _

 

_ I hope you missed me, because I missed you.  _

 

_ I’ve been watching you grow my business far past anything I could have possibly imagined. I’m so proud of you. You’re almost as strong as a man. _

 

_ How does it feel to be in my chair? How does it feel to be able to point, and change someone’s life? How does that power feel? _

 

_ Knowing you, it’s probably gone to your head. _

 

_ I’ve been watching your power grow, and as I watched, the more and more convinced I became that you would never give it up. Not even to your own brother. I’ve accepted the fact that I’ll have to take it back from you.  _

 

_ This could be very painless, Katie. Give me my business back and we won’t have a problem.  _

 

_ With love, _

 

_ Matt _

  
  


The room was silent once Hunk finished reading. Lance watched Hunk’s expression and Allura’s brow was furrowed. 

 

Shiro was shaking where he stood. He could see Matt’s hand writing on the page, but he didn’t want to believe it. Matt couldn’t have sent that letter; Matt has been dead for three years.

 

“Katie, that can’t be….”

 

“It is.” She growled. “The stupid way he writes his M’s…. It’s the same.” She let out a scream and snatched the letter from Hunk’s hand and tore it to shreds. The paper fell from her hands and peppered the floor in bits. “That bastard! How  _ could _ he-?! How  _ dare  _ he!” Katie let out another scream before pushing herself from Hunk, moving to stand in front of Shiro.

 

Shiro was still frozen, unable to move, let alone say anything back.

 

“I built this thing!  _ He’s _ the one who went bankrupt!  _ He’s _ the one who left me and Ma for dead!  _ He’s  _ the one who faked his own death!” Katie screamed at the only one who knew Matt as well as she did. She started pacing back and forth so she wouldn’t lay a hand on him.

 

Shiro opened his mouth, but nothing came out.

 

“I got his $2,000 debt and I made a  _ profit _ ! I circulate and distribute! I am ten times better at this than he ever will be! And he wants to take it from me?!”

 

Shiro closed his mouth and raised his chin.

 

“That’s not happening,” She halted and looked up at Shiro. “Do you hear me? That is never going to happen. This is my business. And  _ no one _ will ever take it from me.” She pressed a finger onto his chest, digging it into him. “You got that?”

 

“Yes ma’am.”

 

Pidge looked him up and down. The rigidness of his stance reminded her of when he first came back from war. Everyone could hear his prosthetic clanking together, plastic against metal against skin. His eyes were scared and his lip quivered. It was one thing for her to cry in front of the group; it was her brother, after all. But his would raise suspicion. Even if this group was more open than others, old habits die hard. 

 

She sighed. How could she yell at a face like that?

 

“Come in the back with me, Shiro. We need to talk, don’t we?”

 

“Yes ma’am.” His voice was on the verge of cracking, he was about to fall apart.

 

“Come on, Soldier.” Pidge pat him on the back and pushed him towards the back room. The door shut with a  _ click _ behind them.

 

Allura whipped her head towards Hunk. “What in the hell was that all about?!”

 

Hunk twiddled his fingers and didn’t look up at her. “The boss's brother is back and he wants to take her business away…”

 

“Where has he been all this time?” Keith asked.

 

“Well….He’s been legally dead for three years.”

 

Allura gasped. “Three years?”

 

“Yeah, Pidge started when she was 14.”

 

“14? She was just a baby!”

 

“A baby who grew up quick.” Hunk muttered under his breath. “Now if you’ll excuse me, I should probably guard the door.”

 

“Wait, darlin’,” Allura called after him. He stopped and acknowledged her. “What’s all this stuff about Shiro bein’ so upset?”

 

Hunk thought for a moment, unsure if he wanted to share someone else’s secret. He came to the conclusion that it was too late for secrets. “Shiro carried a torch for Matt… When he died, it killed him,” Hunk looked to the large mahogany door at the back of the bar. “Lord knows what this is doing to him.” Hunk walked away without another word.

 

Lance pat Allura on the shoulder. “Should’ve known he played for my team. I mean, he paints his eyes like any lady would.”

 

“I found it rather attractive.” Allura protested. 

 

Lance snorted. “Then maybe you play for a whole ‘nother team than you think.”

 

Allura’s face scrunched in fury. She pushed herself off of her stool and stormed out, heels clicking with every step she took. 

 

Lance sighed and swiveled around to face Keith. “So much drama, am I right?” Lance pulled out a cigarette and lit it, taking in a drag as he read his brother’s and sister’s letters. 

 

Keith watched him read each sentence with care and intent. He was so engrossed in the lives of his siblings, even though he got a letter from them every single day.

 

“Hey, Lance,” Keith said, so suddenly that he surprised even himself. Lance looked up from the letter with his eyebrows raised. The bar was silent, nothing to be heard but Keith’s voice. “I’m sorry for what I said last night, I didn’t mean to call you greedy… It was wrong of me.”

 

Lance smiled around his cigarette. “Thanks, Keith… That means a lot.”

 

Subconsciously, Keith was digging through his pockets. He pulled out $4 and handed it to Lance. “Give them each two… Tell them to buy some toys or new clothes.”

 

“I can’t take this from you…” Lance said, staring at the bills. 

 

“You’re not, I’m giving it to them.”

 

“They don’t take no donations.”

 

“It’s not a donation. It’s a gift.”

 

Lance looked between the cash and Keith. “You sure about this?”

 

“Like you said, your little brother deserves to be playing, not looking for work.”

  
  


The sunset breathed life into the speakeasy. Pidge collected a dollar a person, two when the place got full. She wore her suit tonight, so everyone would know who she was. Her hair was pinned up just so; she looked like her brother. Pidge tucked the bills into her coat pocket and closed the door.

 

People talked, Allura sang, smoke filled the air. Pidge moved through the crowd to the end of the bar. She needed to have a little chat with Coran. He was mixing a drink when she leaned over the bar.

 

“Bubula, I have a question or two for ya.” She said to him.

 

Coran raised an eyebrow and poured his drink. “Ask away, boss.”

 

She tapped her fingers on the wood below her. “You love this place, don’t you?”

 

“Well, every cent I had went into this place,” He smiled at her. “And you’ve helped bring it to life.” His eyes moved over to the crowd of people. As a bar, before the 18th amendment, it was a ghost town. No one but the street’s drunkards dared go in. Now, it was a hot spot, anyone would pay to get into.

 

Pidge smiled and reached into her jacket pocket. She was reminded that the mass of folded bills went to Coran. She would see them again soon enough, when Coran payed for his shipment. “I appreciate that, I really do. But this building is yours, I only occupy it. So I wanted to run it by you before I bought anything here,” She looked him up and down. “I need to know you’re okay with me engaging my brother.”

 

Coran’s eyebrows raised. “Why would I care what you do with your own business?”

 

“Property gets damaged, you saw the way they came in here with every intent on stealing from you… from  _ me _ . I just want to make sure you were fine with them possibly storming the castle.”

 

Coran stopped mixing drinks for a moment and put the shaker down. He cuppped the edge of the counter and bowed his head. Pidge watched his eyes as they darted in thought. There wasn’t much worry on his face, just contemplation.

 

“I’m with you,” He said. Coran stood up straight and looked at her. “I’m with you, no matter what you decide. I owe you a lot, the least I can do is give you a castle to storm.” He cracked a smile, which, in turn, made her smile as well. Pidge felt warmth in her heart. He cared enough to help her. 

 

Pidge pulled out the mound of folded bills, stuffed it in his pocket, then slapped him on the back, trying to laugh. “Make sure to get yourself a nice insurance policy.” Coran laughed as well as Pidge walked away. She stopped in her tracks, turning suddenly towards him. “And, thanks, Coran.”

 

His smile melted into a solemn expression. Coran only nodded to her. Words could not describe how he felt. His loyalty, his respect, he thought words might spoil it. 

  
  


At the end of the night, Pidge told her staff to go home. It had been a long day, and they deserved to sleep in on a Sunday. They walked home together because most lived in the same place. But Allura lingered as Lance, Coran, and Keith started towards their apartment. Shiro locked up the bar, and she waited for him.

 

When he turned to see her, leaning on the building’s edge, illuminated in white light by the street lamps, she looked like an angel.

 

“Hey.” She said simply.

 

“Hey.” Shiro said back, his composure fleeting under her sultry gaze.

 

She pushed herself upright from her elbow and walked towards him, one foot in front of the other. Allura always looked as if she was gliding wherever she went. 

 

“So…” She said, standing face to face with him.

 

“So?” A chill crept down his spine as she made eye contact.

 

“I thought….” Her cheeks became red. “I thought you were sweet on me these past years…” She sucked on her teeth and averted her eyes, embarrassment boiling in her stomach. “Listen, I don’t care if you’re a pansy, I just don’t like being made a fool of!”

 

Shiro blinked. “What do you mean? I was sweet on you! I was just gonna ask you out on a date!”

 

Allura’s cheeks puffed in angry, flushing a deep red. “I don’t want no pity date! You had the hots for Matthew Holt!”

 

Shiro flushed. “A-And what if I do?” He puffed out his chest a bit, trying to put up his defenses.

 

“You’re a pansy! You couldn’t have had a thing for me!”

 

“Yes I can! I like both guys and gals! I can like whoever I want!”

 

Allura was quiet, brow furrowed. 

 

“What?”

 

“You… Like both?”

 

“Yes?”

 

“You can do that?”

 

Shiro’s face was hot as he studied Allura’s expression. A look of clarity washed over her. “Yeah? All the time- always. Since I was a kid.”

 

Allura cracked a huge smile, eyes glittering. “Oh my- Shiro! That’s-” She couldn’t stop grinning at him, she began giggling along with her huge goofy smile. “There are other people who feel that way!”

 

His lips curled up. “You… You understand?”

 

“Yeah I do!” She exclaimed. “I’ve wanted to kiss girls since I was little! And I just thought everyone did.”

 

“I don’t think so.”

 

She sighed a sigh of relief. “Thank you, Shiro, this is amazing.” Her heart was beating quickly. Her entire perspective changed. She felt as if she learned something about herself, and Shiro. 

 

He watched her throughout her thought process, her face scrunching in thought and illuminating with an epiphany. Every little movement made his heart leap. Everything she did entranced him.

 

As Allura looked at Shiro, the reality sank in. Matt was alive. Matt was in his life long before she was. 

 

“What does this mean for us? The whole Matt thing. What does it mean?” she asked.

 

Shiro looked away. “I don’t know… I can’t really say.”

 

“Well.”

 

They shared a silence. Neither of them knew what their future held, whether their futures had each other in them. Neither of them were sure if they wanted the answer. Maybe just not tonight.

 

“Why don’t you walk me home? It’s gettin’ late.”

 

His smile was soft. “Sure thing.” He propped his prosthetic out for her to hold onto. She took it happily.

  
  


Shiro walked her all the way home, even though it was two blocks away from his own home. When they parted, Allura left him with a kiss on the cheek and a smile that melted his heart. On his way home, he could only think about her smile and the way she looked in the moonlight. 

 

His mind was so lost, he almost forgot to check his mail before going inside. Almost.

 

A letter in a blue envelope sat upright in his mailbox. In the middle, it just read  _ Shiro _ . The corner address only read  _ Matt _ .

 

Shiro’s heart lodged in his throat. His body shook with dread. He peeled it open with his thumb and extracted the letter.

  
  


_ Meet me at our spot at dawn _

 

_ Love, _

_ Matt _

 

He looked up to the sky and saw the horizon start to lighten. Shiro looked one more time at the letter.  _ Love. _

 

_ Love, love, love. _

 

He crushed the letter and threw it into the bushes, starting towards the docks.

  
  


Memories flooded into his vision as he neared the end of his path, the salted sea air triggered so many kisses, so many tears. Seagulls screeching is the sound of first love for him. Matt was 16 when they met. Shiro had just made his way from California to New York to find work. They were both children of immigrants, though Matt was five when he came to the U.S., they both loved the Brooklyn Dodgers, and both their hearts ached for the other. 

 

Matt was always so sweet and kind, bookish but not to the point of isolation. And a smile that could kill. Shiro fell hard and fast. He recalled the day he was hired by Matt’s father. He thought of the day Sam and Martha Holt were mugged and killed. He remembered holding Matt in this very spot as he cried, muttering about he couldn’t take over his father’s business. He was just 17. 

 

Shiro watched Matt harden in those three years, there was no time to be sweet and kind in this business. You had to be fearless; Matt had to become fearless. 

 

When Matt committed suicide, there wasn’t much of a surprise, at least not for Shiro. He still cried, though. He still felt that void in his chest. He still had to carry the burden of his death, and how there was nothing he could do to stop it. No amount of love given could have saved Matthew Holt.

 

And there he stood, right at the edge of the dock, watching the sunrise. His silhouette was the same against the reds and oranges of the sky. Shiro thought he would be able to see the three years on him. But Matt looked better than he did three years ago. The youth was back in his face. All the stress and worry had been given to Katie.

 

Matt turned to see Shiro coming up on the dock, feet thunking against the thick boards. He smiled, and Shiro fell in love again.

 

“Good morning.” Matt said as Shiro came closer.

 

Shiro began to tear up. “It’s a beautiful morning.” He said. Shiro didn’t think before cupping his face, and leaning down to kiss him. It was so natural, so automatic. Matt giggled as Shiro pulled away, he reached up and pushed the tears from Shiro’s eyes.

 

“Now, bubbeleh, there's no need to cry. I’m alive, I’m here in your arms.”

 

“I thought…. I thought my last image of you was going to be-”

 

“Shhh, don’t. It wasn’t me. I wasn’t the one hanging there. Don’t worry.”

 

Shiro pressed his lips to the top of Matt’s head and pulled him close, almost too close. He had to convince himself that Matt was real, tangible, alive.

 

A laugh bubbled out of Matt. “You’re certainly not as shy as you used to be. You used to hate being affectionate in public.”

 

Realization panged in Shiro’s stomach. Anyone could see them here, anyone could recognize them. Shiro pulled away and stood awkwardly. “I-I’ve been trying to be more comfortable with it, yeah.”

 

Matt’s eyes darkened and a mischievous smile crept onto his face. “Well, if you’re still wary, maybe you should come back to our new office so we can have all the privacy we want.” Matt took his hand and began to lead him away, but Shiro’s feet were planted.

 

“Our new office?” Shiro asked.

 

“Yes? Where else would we go?”

 

“I just…I work for Katie, Matt.”

 

Matt’s face hardened away all emotion. Shiro could barely recognise him, he didn’t look like Matt. “So? You worked for me first, Takashi. You were mine before you even met her!”

 

Shiro flinched, Matt had never spoken to him like that. Maybe his other workers, but never him. “I work for Katie, I can’t just abandon her. What would that say about my loyalty?”

 

“Oh, so you’re loyal to  _ her  _ now?” Matt scoffed. “Are you screwing her now too?!”

 

“What the hell? Of course not! Shes 17!”

 

“Then what is, huh?” Matt yelled. “I came back for you. I blew my cover so I could see you again and now you’re not going to come with me?! Did you even love me at all?!”

 

A shudder wracked Shiro’s body. “Of course I love you!”

 

“Then why won’t you come back to me?!”

 

He opened his mouth to say something, but his excuses have been shot down. He felt like there was nothing he could say that would be a good enough reason.

 

Shiro looked down, a rock of guilt settling in his stomach. “Where is the office?”

 

In an instant, Matt’s expression changed completely. He was smiling again and he happily took Shiro’s arm. “It’s in a very nice place on top of a restaurant.” Matt began as he lead Shiro away from their spot. 

 

* * *

  
  


“Have ya seen Lousiana?” Lance asked, leaning on the wall next to Hunk. He was the only one standing guard today. Shiro hadn’t showed up yet. 

 

Hunk thought for a moment. “Yeah, I have. I saw Lafayette and Crowley. Then I went on to Jacksonville.”

 

Lance gasped as loud and dramatic as possible. “You missed Nar’lens?! But you went to  _ Crowley _ ?”

 

He shrugged. “What can I say, I didn’t have much interest in it back then. I thought it was just another port city.”

 

Lance threw his head back and cackled. “Nar’lens is much more than any old port city.”

 

“Well now I have a reason to go down there.”

 

“Oh? Do you now?” Lance smirked and cuddled up closer to Hunk.

 

“If I want to head down there, will you show me around? Show me all the best places to eat and dance?”

 

“You better not be teasing me, Mr. Garrett. ‘Cause I’d love to take you down to my home town and show you around.”

 

Hunk smiled down at Lance. “Nah, I’d never tease you like that. Maybe in other ways, but not like that.”

 

“Mmmm, tell me all the ways you’d tease me- Hunk?” he had frozen, staring in the direction of the door. Lance followed his gaze. 

 

The face reminded him of Pidge, but he saw her enter the office. There was something dark to this one though. Something that made Lance very uneasy. 

 

Matt walked up to Hunk. His stature never phased Matt, he knew Hunk was spineless and could never hurt a fly. 

 

“Y-You can't go in there.” Hunk said, trying to create authority with his voice. 

 

Matt raised an eyebrow. “I can't see my own sister?”

 

“She's not expecting you.”

 

“Let him in, Hunk.” Shiro’s voice cut through Hunk like a knife. He stood behind Matt, backing him up. 

 

“Shiro-”

 

“Let him in.” His voice was pointed as a threat. Hunk took Lance by the hand and pulled him out of the way. 

 

Matt gave Shiro a kiss on the cheek. “Thank you, darling. Would you get the door for me,  sweetie?”

 

Shiro opened the door. 

 

Pidge didn't look up, she wasn't phased by the door opening. She had heard what was happening outside her door. 

 

“This is a nice office you've got, Katie.” Matt said, stepping in and admiring the grandeur of it all. 

 

“Nicer than you've ever had.” She said, without looking up. 

 

“Excuse me?”

 

Pidge capped her pen and placed it down carefully.  She knitted her fingers together in front of herself and looked up at him. “You heard me. I have a nicer office than you ever had. Because I'm better at this than you.” Pidge stood. “And you just want it back because I've raised it from the shit pile you created and couldn't handle.”

 

“I don't know who you think you're talking to but it's certainly not me.” Matt said through clenched teeth. “This is  _ my  _ business. It has  _ my  _ name on it!”

 

“It's under the name Holt. Last time I checked, we shared that name.”

 

“Father left it to  _ me _ !”

 

“And you left it to me when you killed yourself!” Pidge barked. “When you faked your own death like a  _ coward _ , you left everything to me! All your debts became mine!  And you just watched while I clawed my way out of the gutter!”

 

“I was only 17!” Matt screamed. “I was 17, I couldn't handle the business!”

 

“And I was 14! And I  _ still _ did a better job than you!”

 

The room went quiet. Matt had nothing else to say. What else could he say?

 

Shiro and Katie locked eyes. It was the first time he had looked up. Her eyes asked why. His said  _ because I love him.  _ Katie could see the shame and the guilt and hopeless love in his face. She would be lying if she said she didn't predict this. 

 

“I guess I'll have to take it from you.” Matt said, out of nowhere. “You're obviously not going to give me what's rightfully mine.”

 

“Maybe I would have given you  _ my  _ business, so I could go back to school, have a life outside of this,” she looked him dead in the eyes. “But you came into  _ my  _ office kicking a screaming like a spoiled child. Father wouldn't give you a  _ sweet _ if you acted like that. I refuse to hand over my hard work so you can destroy it again.”

 

“You're so stubborn, Katelyn. You always have been.”

 

“I could say the same about you.” 

 

They looked at each other plain. The same brown eyes staring back at one another. Neither of them wanted to say it,  but they were both just like their father. 

 

“Get out.” Pidge commanded, throwing her finger at the door. 

 

“Fine, little sister,” He said through gritted teeth. “You'll be hearing from me within the week.”

 

Matt turned away and left the office. It took Shiro a moment, but he too left, following Matt close. 

 

Pidge sighed and sat down. “He's such a good little soldier, isn't he?”

 

* * *

 

Business had to go on no matter what was going on in Pidge’s personal life. She had a weekly meeting with an importer: the wine shipment was in, and Pidge needed to get the supply out to her distributors.

 

Hunk escorted her to the meeting spot, keeping a close eye on every shadow, every crevice they passed. He wanted to make sure nothing was hiding in the dark for her.

 

They rounded the corner for their meeting spot. The sky was crisp and blue with white fluffy clouds. The color cracked through the shade of the alley. The blue illuminated the scene. Three bodies peppered the ground, blood pooling around each of them. Their truck was wide open and empty. 

 

“What the…?” Pidge muttered, leaning over the closest body, careful not to disturb any  blood. There was a note pinned to his back. 

 

_ It’s just business _

 

_ -M _

 

Pidge shot up straight and pushed Hunk back. “We need to leave, now.” 

 

“Huh? What?” 

 

Sirens blared down the street. Her heart leaped, she didn’t have time to think before she bolted down the street. Hunk followed her lead and took off in another direction.

 

By the time she stopped running, Pidge barely had a clue where she was. She took all the twists and turns she could to avoid the cops. 

 

She could see an outline of green in the distance.  _ Central Park _ , she thought. Pidge was drawn to it, for some reason. Something about the need to breathe. Katie stripped away the heavy layers of her suit and folded her jacket and tie over her arm, keeping the vest with the rest in order to retain the illusion of  _ boy _ .

 

Katie wandered around the North Woods, aimless and a little blurry. Her head was so fogged that she couldn’t really react to much. Eventually, she found a bench and made a home of it, dumping all of her things onto it and sitting. The flowers in front of her bent in the hot wind. Katie tried to not to slip into her thoughts but they clawed their way into the forefront. 

 

Three people that Pidge knew and did business with, were dead, because of her. The dread dripped from her chest to her stomach. They weren’t kids anymore. She had been so caught up in her brother, she didn’t understand the reality of it. This was war. A real war. There were no rules. No father to split them apart. There was going to be blood shed. She should have known.

 

“I’m… Not going to stoop to that level…” Katie said. She wasn’t going to become  _ that _ . She wasn’t going to ruin herself like he had. She was better than him, and would always be better than him.

 

Tired, and too weak to restrain herself, she closed her eyes and relaxed. With her mind free, a memory surfaced. 

 

She and Matt were walking through the city, the day was hot and the humidity suffocated them. Matt was 14 and Katie was 8. It was odd the things she remembered. The mustache of the man walking by, her reflection in the shop windows. 

 

Katie remembered the way Matt plucked his kippah off his head and shoved it in his pocket. 

 

_ “Papa said you need to wear that all the time!” Katie had said. _

 

_ She remembered him thinking for a moment then smiling at her. “He doesn’t have to know. It can be our little secret, deal?” _

 

_ The young Katie was so excited to be a part of something, to feel close to her brother, to share something with him and only him. She happily agreed. _

 

_ “You gotta pinky swear, okay?” He told her. He stuck out his pinky for her to grab with her own. Pride swelled in her chest as she locked pinkies.  _

 

_ “I pinky swear!” _

 

_ “We have a secret between us! We’re bound together now! We’re stuck together!” _

 

_ “Forever?” _

 

_ “Forever.” _

 

Pidge’s eyes cracked open, looking at the clouds in the sky. “Forever.”

  
  


* * *

 

 

“They’re late.” Matt said, tapping his foot against the wood of the dock. His jaw was clenched and his knuckles were turning white in his pockets. This is not a good start to a business. 

 

“Sometimes people are late. I’m sure they’ll be here soon.” Shiro assured him. 

 

“Goddamn Italians don’t know how to do business. I knew I should have gotten wine from Spain.” Matt muttered.

 

“Italian wine sells better.”

 

“So that means the can just show up whenever the fuck they want? I don’t think so.” Matt snapped. Shiro kept silent after that, he didn’t want to make Matt even more angry. 

 

They saw a man coming towards them. He had a cigarette in his mouth and his hands in his pockets. His face was obscured by his hat that was pulled over his eyes. There was no one else, no truck, no cases. Just this man in informal dress, coming closer. 

 

“Are you a Spadarella?” Matt called at the man.

 

He visibly chuckled as he reached them. “Yeah, I am.”

 

“What the hell took you so long? And where is my shipment?” Matt asked. His questions sounded like punches coming from his voice.

 

The man pushed his hat up with the back of his hand. His green eyes shocked Matt; he wasn’t expecting brightness under the dark. “We had a change of heart.”

 

“Change of what?”

 

“We got word that you weren’t very good at distributing. And that you’re not very trustworthy.” The Spadarella looked him up and down. “So we went with them instead of you.”

 

Matt’s chest burned in anger. “And who is this?”

 

The man snorted. “You know? They said you’d ask.They said not to tell you, no matter how hard you begged.”

 

“I don’t beg.”

 

“Whatever you say, tough guy.” The Spadarella started to walk away before patting his pants. “Wait! I’ve got a letter from them. They said to give it to you if we saw you.” He pulled a small white envelope out of his pocket and held it out.

 

Matt snatched the letter from his hand and quickly started to open it. The man shook his head and left. Shiro watched them both. The man didn’t turn back to them once he left. He had no reason to, this was the last he’ll have of them.

 

Shiro looked at Matt who was reading the letter over and over again. His face was turning red, he started shaking.

 

“Matt? Are you okay?”

 

“She said it was just business!” Matt screamed. 

 

Shiro peaked over the letter. There were only two little sentences.

 

_ Had to find a new supplier, someone shot my last one. It’s only business. _

 

_ -P _

 

“I hate her.” Matt said through gritted teeth. “I  _ hate _ her!” He yanked the paper apart and shredded it into the smallest pieces possible. “I’m going to have to get her back for this…. Oh… and I have the perfect plan.” A grin cracked onto his face that sent a chill down Shiro’s spine.

 

“What do you have in mind?” Shiro asked.

 

Matt looked him up and down, his eyes narrowing. “You… Don’t get to know.”

 

“What?! Why not?!” Something boiled inside of Shiro. How could Matt not tell him? Shiro was the closest person to him. Matt has always told him everything.

 

“Because, Takashi Shirogane,” He spat.  “Katie knew we were coming here to meet with the Spadarellas. She knew long enough in advance, she was able to convince them to drop me and go with her. How did she know? Someone had to have told her.”

 

Shiro felt as if Matt punched him in the gut. “Excuse me? Are you accusing me of betraying you? I would never-”

 

“You already betrayed my sister.”

 

A silence fell between them filled with mistrust and anger. Matt was the one to break it.

 

“I won’ tell you anything until you can prove to me you’re not a dirty rat, you hear me.”

 

Shiro stared at him, really studying his face. He tried to pinpoint the part of his face that still looked the same, that honest to god hadn’t changed in the years he’s known him. As he aged, his face had hollowed. He looked thinner, even though there wasn’t much to begin with. His eyes were sunken and dark. As he looked at this face that was both a lover and a stranger to him, he felt something entirely new replace his love.

 

“Hello? Did you hear me?”

 

“Yeah, I heard you.”

 

“Good, now let’s go. I have some calls to make.”

 

* * *

  
  


Lance’s bed was just a mattress pressed against the wall with the window. In the morning, the sun peered through the always open shutters. It cloaked them in a honey color, tinting the whole room, and encapsulating every morning in their memory.

 

Hunk sat with his head against the wall and Lance sleeping on his chest. The sun had woken him up, as it always did when he spent the night with Lance. Hunk loved him in this light. His dark features got even darker, glowing in a beautiful golden color. He ran his hands up and down Lance’s perfect, bare back. Hunk loved to feel his soft skin on his finger tips.

 

Lance shuttered and his eyes cracked open. He always slept hard, making it even harder for him to wake up, but Hunk always seemed to ease him out of his sleep with small touches and loving kisses. Lance let out a tired moan and tried to unstick his limbs from Hunk’s. His eyes shut again as he gave up. Too much effort.

 

“Good morning.” Hunk said, pulling his hand through the back of Lance’s hair. “How you feeling?”

 

Lance moved his cheek  to look up at Hunk, skin peeling off of skin. “I’m still sleepin’ darlin’.” He muttered, barely audible, barely understandable.

 

Hunk hummed from his chest so Lance could feel it. “You can sleep for as long as you like. So long as I can keep touching your hair.”

 

Lance smiled and kissed Hunk’s chest. “You can touch whatever part of me you want.”

 

“You know I love to feel your beautiful skin.” Hunk said as he ran his hand down Lance’s side from his ribs to his hip.

 

He let out another small moan and tried to cuddle closer to Hunk. When Hunk’s hand stayed at his hip, Lance looked up at him. Hunk was staring out the window at some far off spot.

 

“What’s wrong, sweetheart?”

 

“Nothing… I’m just thinking.”

 

“Whatcha thinkin’ about?” Lance shifted, crossing his arms on Hunks chest then laying his head down on them. 

 

Hunk pushed his fingers through Lance’s hair again. “It’s been rough around here lately, right?”

 

“Yeah, kind of. It ain’t too bad.”

 

“But it’s dangerous…. Boss is struggling… I don’t think she’s right on the inside. Fighting her kin is taking its toll…. Matt’s sending more of his thugs to ruin buisness… I worry.”

 

Lance clicked his tongue and started to rub circles into his skin. “You’re such a softy. How did you ever get involved in all this?” He asked, unfolding one arm to trace the tattoos that covered Hunk’s left arm.

 

Hunk chuckled. “I came to the mainland to travel and I did. I saw most cities and ate some good food.” He laughed as he pat his stomach. “But then I came to New York and I never left. I love it here. And when you want to make a life somewhere, you need a job. I got a job at the docks first and Boss would hang around so we talked and got to know each other. I didn’t become a guard ‘til Matt disappeared. And, well, here I am.”

 

“You’ve seen everywhere, haven’t you?” Lance said in a sigh.

 

“I’ve seen a lot of places, yeah.”

 

“Well, I for one am happy you fell in love with New York,” Lance took Hunk’s hand and laced their fingers together. “‘Cause without this city, we wouldn’t have met.”

 

Hunk squeezed his hand. “New York’s been good to me. You’re by far the best thing to come from it.”

 

“You’re so worth it… So worth all of this…”

 

“What if it gets to be too much?”

 

“What?” 

 

“What if it’s no longer safe here…. For us… For the boss or Allura? What if it’s too much?”

 

Lance was quiet.

 

“Take me back to New Orleans with you? If we can’t stay here?”

 

“You’d go back home with me? You’d give up New York, for me?”

 

Hunk squeezed Lance’s hand almost too hard. “In a heartbeat.”

 

Lance’s heart swelled, the very idea that someone loves him so much was hard to grasp. Let alone the undeniable proof that came from Hunk giving up his life for him. Lance crawled up to Hunk and kissed him fully, desperately. “If we can’t stay, we’ll go back home.”

 

* * *

 

“Ya’ll go on, I’ll lock up shop.” Allura said to her boys. 

 

Keith’s face was flushed with worry. “We don’t mind staying for another few minutes.” He had been nervous since the first raid, and now with one every other week, he was a wreck. 

 

“No, I’ll be fine. It’s just three blocks.” Allura said through a smile.

 

“Allura-”

 

“Just go home, I’ll be fine.”

 

Keith sighed and walked away reluctantly, trailing behind Lance and Hunk. He turned periodically to check on her. She waited until she couldn’t see them anymore then went inside again, sitting down at the bar. 

 

Allura breathed in the silence and the stale air. It was a ringing silence, still hot with the residual energy of the speakeasy. Sitting there, in the darkness and hollowness, was her only time to be alone. Her house was packed with her three to four roommates and she made her living by being around people. 

 

Allura never prefered to be alone until Shiro left. When she was alone she could pretend that he was with her. Or she could pretend he never existed. Whichever was less painful for the day. She wished she had gotten one night with him before Matt came back. Maybe with one night, it would have been harder for him to leave.

 

She looked out the window, saw the moon heading west, and decided it was time for her to leave. She locked up the bar and started down the street. She swung the lanyard that held the key to entertain herself, watching it spin in the air and catching all the light from the lamp posts. 

 

Mindlessly, she dropped it. “Ugh, such a clutz,” She muttered. It had fallen behind her, so she turned to pick it up.

 

White hot fear spiked in her stomach. She saw a man standing in the middle of the sidewalk, just staring at her. His hands were covered in black leather gloves and his face was hidden by a hat. Her nails scraped against the concrete of the sidewalk as she snatched the key from the ground and began walking away. She tried to breathe steady, she tried to walk at a normal pace again, she tried not to hear his boots behind her. 

 

When the sidewalk broke to allow a street, Allura didn’t even stop to look both ways. She just continued to walk steady and straight. 

 

The boots picked up behind her, him taking two steps for every one of hers. She pulled out her keys to her building so she could go in and not fiddle with the lock, but also just in case he got too close. 

 

She could see her door from the street and Allura decided to book it. Heels and all, she ran as fast as she could to her door to get a head start. Her hands shook as she tried to open the lock. Out of the corner of her eye, she could see him charging for her.

 

The click of the lock was the sweetest sound she had ever heard. She opened the door quickly and squeezed inside, slamming the door closed just as quickly. She took every lock on the door and sealed it. For a moment, there was nothing. Then, the knob jiggled. Then nothing. Then the door pounded against its hinges. Allura screamed, snapping her hand over her mouth. Then nothing. 

 

Allura didn’t wait to see if there was another attempt at the door. She ran up to her apartment and quickly locked that door as well.  Before she even thought, she burst into Lance’s room where he and Hunk were laying on the bed. Thankfully she didn’t interrupt something.

 

She looked at Hunk. “You’re taking me to the Boss.”

 

“At this hour?”

 

“I need to talk to her.”

  
  


Pidge had been sleeping in her office in the past few weeks, slumped over her desk, arching her back and straining her neck; always on top of some important paperwork. Sleeping was a generous word for it. She dozed on good nights. When Allura came charging in with Hunk, Pidge was barely asleep.

 

“Jesus, do you know what time it is?” Pidge groaned, feeling around for her glasses. 

 

“I told you I wasn’t gonna do this! I told you I was not gonna sit around and be shot at, I told you if I ain’t safe I ain’t stayin’!” Allura yelled. Hunk closed the door, even though there was no one outside to hear. He was in the room for once. Normally, he would wait outside.

 

Pidge pressed her glasses onto her face in order to see the fuming Allura. “The hell are you talking about?”

 

“I was followed home tonight. I have never been more scared in my entire life!” Allura screamed. “And I just know it was your bastard brother!”

 

Pidge groaned and rubbed her temple. “How do you know it wasn’t just a crazed fan?” She asked.

 

“Cause none of my fans could afford the kind of gloves he was wearing! All my fans are labor boys!” Allura said with a huff. “You gotta do somethin’ ‘bout him or I am going back home where I know I’m safe.”

 

Hunk came forward. “If things don’t change, Lance and I are going too.”

 

Pidge stared at them, defenseless and helpless. Matt had crossed a line, so now it was her turn. 

 

“Hunk, get a jacket, we’re going to pay a little visit to the NYPD.”

  
  
  


Pidge threw down files upon files onto a police officer’s desk, making a flopping sound. “I have a few crimes I'd like to report.”

 

The cop raised an eyebrow, eyeing the two, and opened the first file in the pile. Hunk looked like a slob, white shirt wrinkled and pants too low on his hips. And Pidge in a suit of her own, crisp and in place. “Matthew Holt of the Holts? Didn't he die years ago?” He continued to look through the file.

 

“He faked his death. He's been running amuck for the past few months. His new address and financial records are in there, plus his past records. He evaded income tax when he was alive and he also distributed alcohol, which is illegal according to the 18th amendment.” Pidge said, catching the officer’s eye. His fingers continued to flip through papers even though he wasn't looking at them.

 

The eye contact made him nervous, she could tell.

 

“Why are you doing my job for me? What do you want in exchange for all of this?” He asked, skepticism dripping from his voice. “I'm not doing you any favors. I'm not that kind of cop.”

 

Pidge shook her head. She wasn't surprised that he didn't take the opportunity blind. She actually admired it. He was her kind of person. “I just want a bad man off the streets. Are you going to arrest him? Or do I need to find another cop who'll take it  _ and  _ do me a favor?”

 

“I’ll make my way down there later today… after I get a warrant.”

 

“Good doing business with you, officer.” Her job was done. Pidge turned and started towards the door.

 

Hunk smiled at the officer. “Thank you, sir.” He, too, turned to leave.

 

“You look a lot like him.” The officer called. He wasn't sure what made him say it. But he felt like he needed to.

 

Pidge stopped and sighed. The weight of their resemblance will be something she would have to bare for the rest of her life. She could give herself a new name, in a new city, but she would always look like him. She will always look in the mirror and see what she's done to him.

 

“I know.” She called to the officer. She resumed her exit. As she left the police station, she felt like she was fleeing, even though she had nothing to run from anymore.

 

* * *

  
  


Three weeks of silence fell on the bar, the band, and Pidge. No more stalking, no more disruptions, no more dead suppliers. No word from Shiro or Matt. It was all just still. Pidge was still uneasy. She'll be uneasy for the rest of her life. Uneasy, untrusting, never allowing what she did not see to trick her ever again.

 

“I don't think you should be stayin’ here all by your lonesome, boss.” Allura said. She didn't want anyone to be alone after that night. No one should feel that type of fear.

 

“I second that. It's not safe.” Keith said very matter-of-factly, crossing his arms in defiance.

 

Pidge shrugged. “I have work to do and I don't like to work at home.” She would be alone at her house too. At least the bar had echoes of happy memories. The halls of her family home just rang with the long dead voices of her mother and father and the smiling remains of her and Matt’s childhood together.

 

“Then can I stay with you?” Keith asked. “Just to make sure you're okay?”

 

“If anyone would stay for that, it'd be Hunk and I already told him he's not staying. Difference is, he listens to me.”

 

“It's my job to listen to you, boss.” Hunk said, half way through the door. He was the last one to ever be okay with her staying alone. But no amount of begging has ever stopped her.

 

“We do this every night, just leave me be, won't you? Maybe if you left me when I asked, I could get my work done early enough to go home.” Pidge said. The group let out a collective sigh and left one by one. Allura being the last.

 

“Us girls gotta stick together, darlin’.” She said, hanging out of the door. 

 

Pidge smiled a soft smile. Every furrow of tension loosened. It was the youngest Allura had ever seen her. But the sunken eyes left behind by everything she had seen remained. Pidge reached for Allura’s hand and squeezed. “We’ll stick together. Now go catch up with our boys.”

 

Allura squeezed back and trotted to catch up with the boys. Pidge watched them leave then locked the door from the inside and going back to her office. 

  
  


Shiro watched Allura as she left from a nearby alley. His heart ached for her. He missed her more than anything. After tonight, his fate will be sealed, and he would never be able to see her again. He would be Matt’s forever. There was no going back. 

 

“Don't tell me you had feelings for her,” Matt said, stepping out of the shadows, pulling on gloves and wiping down the gas can. “You have the most gullible heart.”

 

Shiro didn't say anything; he didn't say much anymore. 

 

Matt’s eyes were fixated on the bar, the beacon of his sister’s success. Just looking at it made his chest burn. “She thought she could get me  _ arrested _ . Like hell those dumb asses could make any kind of case, even when she hands them my financial records.” He walked across the street with a long stride. Shiro jumped up to join him.

 

They stood in front of the bar under the harsh glow of the street lights. 

 

“I can’t do this, Matt… I can’t help you with this…” Shiro stuttered.

 

“You don’t need to help. Just give me your key.”

 

“Matt, I-”

 

“Give me the damn key.”

 

Shiro pulled the key from his interior coat pocket. Matt took it from his hand before Shiro could give it to him.

 

“Keep watch.” He said before unlocking the bar and going in.

 

It didn’t take long for Matt to drench the inside in gasoline. He backed out of the doorway, leaving a trail of gas. The can clattered to the ground as Matt threw it.

 

He struck a match and flicked it onto the gasoline. Flames ran likes snakes into the bar, bringing to life the patterns Matt splashed on the floors and counters. Fire consumed the chemical and ignited the building. The heat engulfed Shiro. Just the feeling of it burned. He looked over to Matt, desperate to find any hint of regret. All he found was a smile. A smile filled with pride and pleasure.

 

“I can’t do this anymore, Matt.” Shiro said.

 

“It’s just business, Shiro.” Matt said.

 

“Your sister is in there!”

 

Matt glared at him. “I know.”

 

Something inside of Shiro snapped, every emotion he had been suppressing broke free, flooding into Shiro’s heart. Without a thought, he ran into the burning bar, straight to Pidge’s office. 

 

Sirens blared down the street. Matt sighed and walked away from the scene, without another peek inside the bar.

 

“Katie!” Shiro yelled at the door. “If you’re by the door, step back!” Shiro backed up slightly then kicked the door right by the  knob. The lock shattered under his foot and the door flung open. 

 

Katie was hunched over the desk, coughing hard. Her world was grey and her lungs were closing. She was almost certain she was going to die. In her final moments, she thought she heard Shiro’s voice.  _ Delusions, a dying girl’s delusions,  _ she thought.

 

“Heeey sweetheart,” Shiro said, coming up to Katie. “Now I only have one arm so you’re gonna have to help me,” He scooped her up under her legs, and she instinctively wrapped her arms around his neck and buried her head in his shoulder. She clung to him for dear life. He was relieved she still had life in her. “Thata girl, now don’t look up from my shoulder. Keep your head down.”

 

Shiro gripped her tight ran through the bar again, avoiding huge walls of fire. He heard popping from the wall of alcohol to his left. The only thing he could do was swerve farther away from the glass flying towards them. 

 

When Shiro crossed the threshold of the bar, a part of him expected to see Matt, waiting, worrying. But they were alone on the empty street. Sirens blared ever closer, creating a panic within him. All he knew to do was run, and he did.

 

_ Allura is only three blocks away _ , Shiro thought. Allura will help Katie. He had no idea whether she would help  _ him _ .

 

With a trick of his boot, Shiro was able to get the building door open. He climbed the stairs as quickly as possible. Katie had stopped coughing. Apartment 6 was hers and Shiro kicked at the door.

 

“Allura! Allura please open the door! Allura!” He called, hopefully loud enough.

 

The door flew open and Allura stood there in a pink robe.

 

“Do you have any  _ clue _ what time it- Boss?” Her eyes fell on Katie, ashy and still. She looked quickly at Shiro’s desperate face. “Come in, come in.” She opened the door so both of them could fit through. Shiro hurried to the couch and placed Katie down as carefully as possible.

 

Shiro pressed his ear against her chest and listened. He tried to find a heartbeat and breathing.

 

“She’s alive.” He said, picking his head up. “She must have just passed out…”

 

“What the hell is going on out here?” Keith groaned, wobbling out of his room. He turned the corner, saw Katie, and gasped. “Is she dead?”

 

“No… Just unconscious.”

 

“Oh thank god.”

 

“Who’s not dead?” Lance asked, poking his head out of his own room. His eyes fell on Katie and Shiro. “Whoa, Shiro, what are you doing here? What happened to the boss?” Hunk came up behind Lance to peer out as well.

 

“The bar is gone… Matt burned it down…” Shiro said. “I...couldn’t let Katie die… I couldn’t let her…” His gaze was fixed on the ground. He didn’t think he was worthy enough to look any of his former friends in the eye. He let it happen, he sat by while Matt burned down their livelihood.

 

Allura sat down in front of Shiro. She waited for him to look at her, but he never did. She sighed and pulled his head up by his chin. 

 

“Thank you for saving her.” She said.

 

“You’re… Not angry with me?”

 

“Why would we be angry with you?’

 

“B-Because--! I just stood there while he lit it on fire! I abandoned all of you! I betrayed Katie!  I-”

 

Shiro was silenced as Allura hugged him. She was warm against his chest as she pressed herself close to him. Unable to control himself, Shiro began to cry. He wrapped his arm around her as tight as he could. He wanted her as close as possible. Shiro didn’t realize how much he had missed her until he was holding her in his arms.

  
  
  


Pidge woke up with a throbbing headache, the sun not helping her eyes adjust. She looked around to assess where she was. Her friends sat around the coffee table, playing with a deck of cards.

 

“Shit, why do I always get the worst cards?” Lance complained, throwing down three cards.

 

“‘Cause every rounds gotta have a loser,” Allura said with a smile. 

 

“And it  _ always _ has to be me?”

 

“Guess you got that loser aura around you.” Pidge said, laughing a little.

 

The group turned to her, propped up on her elbow and smirking like nothing happened. Lance beamed at her, happy to hear anything at all.

 

“Good to see you’re okay, boss.” Lance said.

 

Pidge coughed into her hands. “Throat’s a bit scratchy still,” She pushed herself up off the couch and wobbled to the liquor cabinet at the edge of the kitchen. She tugged the doors open and plucked bourbon off the top shelf. 

 

“Hey! That’s my good stuff!” Coran called.

 

Pidge cracked the seal and went back to the couch. “I’ll give you a discount on your next order.” She said, drinking straight from the bottle.

 

“Well… I won’t be needing an order for a while…” Coran said.

 

“Oh shit, you’re right. I’m sorry.” Pidge groaned, rubbing the bridge of her nose. 

 

“It’s alright… The insurance I got should fix it up… It’ll be even nicer afterwards.” Coran said half heartedly. Although he was thankful for the insurance, he wished he didn’t have to use it.

 

Pidge groaned and drank more. “We can’t live like this…” She muttered, nursing the bottle. The group was silent. The waited for her to say something else, anything else. 

 

“Come back to New Orleans with us,” Hunk said. “You don’t have to deal with this anymore. We can all just go and be happy there.”

 

“I can’t leave everything I’ve worked for, I can’t let him win!” Pidge gripped a wad of bobby pins in her hair and tore them out, letting her hair fall from its bob around her. Her throat strained and she coughed into the hand that wasn’t gripping the bourbon. Katie couldn’t feel more helpless.

 

Allura placed a hand on Katie’s knee. “Darlin’ it ain’t worth it. He’s burned down the bar… He’s hurt you and me. I don’t even want to know who’s next,” She squeezed her knee. “I think you should come home with us.”

 

Katie stood up abruptly. “I can’t leave, I’m sorry, we’re going to have to find another way.”

 

“You’ve tried everything!” Keith said. “You tried to take his suppliers, you tried getting him arrested, there's nothing more you can do in this business!”

 

“Yeah, there is.” Katie said. 

 

“No, it’s not you.” Hunk said. “I work with you because you have a moral compass. You’ve never had to resort to that before, and I won’t let you stoop down to his level.”

 

Katie sighed. “I have to think... “ She looked at Allura. “I’m going to lay down on your bed.”

 

“Katie-” 

 

“I need to lay down.” She made her way to Allura’s room and shut the door.

 

She sat down on the bed and sighed, feeling her whole body compress. She hung her head and breathed in slowly. Katie allowed herself so feel present, to think clearly. The quiet helped her.  _ I can’t live like this anymore… I can’t live my life in fear… I can’t keep putting them in harm's way… _

 

There was a knock on the door and Pidge was pulled back into reality. “Come in.” She called. The door opened and closed. She looked up to see who had come in. “Shiro?”

 

Shiro stood stiff. “I think you should keep your company. And I think you should stay in New York.”

 

Pidge straightened her back. “You know what that means, right?”

 

“I do.”

 

“So you  _ want  _ me to kill my brother?”

 

Shiro’s mouth was open, but he couldn’t speak. With his back pressed against the door, he slid down to the floor. He covered his eyes, shaking his head. 

 

“I don’t… I don’t know what I want, Katie. I still love him… But that person who came back… He’s not Matt… He’s so different…” His hands fell from his face. “I don’t know… Maybe I do want you to…. I think… I think it’ll be for the best.”

 

“There has to be another way out of this. Like the first time… I found a way out where no one got hurt. Maybe I can find another nonviolent way out of this….” 

 

Shiro sighed and ran his fingers through his hair. “He’s out for blood, Katie…”

 

“What?”

 

“He’s not going to stop until you’re dead… He knew you were in the bar tonight… And he didn’t care…” Shiro folded in on himself, trying to make himself as small as possible. “You can’t smart your way outta this one.”

 

“Did he… Did he really say that?” Katie asked, and Shiro nodded. She felt as if she was about to throw up. Matt had no qualms about killing her. He didn’t even think twice. Her life meant nothing to him. Their life before the business meant nothing to him. And now, he was someone they could no longer recognize.

 

Katie gazed at Shiro. He looked broken. He looked tired. She remembered him before Matt came back. He was so confident and strong. Shiro was a shadow of who he was.

 

“What happened when you were with Matt?” Katie asked, her voice low and soft.

 

Shiro gave her the same look he gave her in the office. Defeated and heartbroken. “Nothing…” He said. She didn’t need anything else.

 

“I’ll do it…”

 

* * *

 

 

The grass smelled sweet with dew and early morning rain. The fog hadn’t quite lifted over the graveyard. Katie stared down at the stones of her mother, father, and brother. She pulled out tiny pebbles from her pocket and kissed them all before placing one on each stone, even on top of Matt’s.

 

Something about Matt’s dates that transfixed her. She couldn’t stop looking at the date of death and feel more anger than she ever thought possible. Cemeteries, burials, death. They’re all so important to Jews, so sacred. The falsehood on the stone desecrates the funeral, ruining it for her parents. 

 

A body should be buried with respect and dignity, placed amongst the rest of its family, free of any impurities and always jewish. 

 

Katie had no clue who the person they buried was, if they were tattooed, if they were even jewish. And they lay next to her parents, a complete stranger. 

 

She griped her hat in her hands as an outlet for her anger. But, when she heard footsteps behind her, her grip loosened. She felt a weight come over her. “Please… Can this be a place of neutrality?” 

 

Matt came up to stand next to her. “Of course.”

 

Neither of them looked at the other, they just stared at the stones in front of them. Their silence was so thick, they could cut it with a knife. Tension within neutrality still pulls just as tight. Katie noticed he didn’t leave a rock for their parents. No symbol that he was there, no forget-me-not. Just nothing.

 

“You know… It’s strange looking at your own grave.” Matt said. He too was fixated on his dates and wondered what would have happened if he really did die on that day.

 

“I mourned you for 11 months,” Katie said. “I sat shiva… So did Shiro,” She took a deep breath. “I cried over your casket… I had to go through your things, sell them. I covered mirrors. I took down all you pictures!” Her voice cracked, she felt tears fall down her cheeks. “I thought… I thought I was all alone. Mom was gone, Dad was gone. Then you. But you weren’t, were you? You were just a different kind of ghost.”

 

Matt twisted his foot in the grass and didn’t say anything. He tried to lighten the mood. Couldn’t she just play along?

 

“You didn’t think it through, did you?” She asked. “You didn’t think faking your death through, so now you’re here. Did you ever think about me? And how bad off you were leaving me?” 

 

He was still, he even shallowed his breathing, to disappear.

 

“Of course you didn’t. You only think about yourself.” Pidge turned around and tugged her hat onto her head. “Next time we see each other, it won’t be this quiet.” She started to walk away from him.

 

“Is that really all you have to say to me?” Matt called after her.

 

Katie refused to stop or acknowledge him. She just left him with their parents and their neutrality. 

 

* * *

  
  


The skies were grey with heavy clouds. They rolled like waves of the sea across the sky. The smell of rain and humidity swirled blissfully round in the warm breeze.

 

“It’s been overcast for days…” Matt said. He stood in his and Shiro’s spot, gripping a letter from him.

 

_ M, _

 

_ Meet me at our spot, we have to talk. _

 

_ -S _

 

Matt missed Shiro again. His absence was a great weight on his heart. Just Shiro’s presence made Matt happier than he ever thought he could be. 

 

Heels clicked their way down the dock. Matt sighed and turned towards his sister.

 

“I should have known this was too good to be true.” Matt said, holding up the letter. “I should have know he never wanted to speak to me again.”

 

Katie continued to walk towards him, reaching for her gun under her dress. She pointed it at his heart.

 

“Whoa, whoa, whoa, Katie. Don’t you think that’s a little far? Pointing a gun at your own brother?”

 

She didn’t slow her pace, she wasn’t afraid. 

 

“Katie, come on. You’re not going to kill me, you don’t have the ba-”

 

Matt was silenced by a bullet to the heart. He collapsed onto the wood below him. Kate continued her stride towards him. She looked down at his body with skepticism. His eyes were frozen in the raw emotion of his death. They were wide with shock, his mouth hung open in disbelief. 

 

She had been in this situation before. She shot twice more, one in the throat, and another in his head. This time, she needed to make sure he was really gone. 

 

Katie dug her heel into his side and shoved his body off the dock. She watched the water, waiting for him to pop up or for bubbles to rise. Nothing. The water was murky enough, a little blood didn’t leave any discoloration at all. When she sighed, all the tension left her body. She felt relief for the first time in three years.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! If you liked it leave a comment! I have two more Voltron fics. I also have Miraculous Ladybug, RWBY, Gravity Falls, Star Wars, and Kingsmen fics! Go read those if you're interested! Thank you so much!


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